Sherry+F

Sherry Freed

Mrs. Felder, p.2

English 10, 5.0

10 March 2008 Some major events in Lena’s childhood have caused the communication problems with her mother. Lena went through a childhood of not being able to understand her mother. When Lena would take walks with her mother, sometimes she pulled her close to her body because she was scared men might harm Lena (Tan 105). There was a little confusion to why this lady had looked so horrible, so Lena asked “‘what did she do to herself?’… ‘She met a bad man’” said my mother (Tan 105). The reason for all the times Ying-ying grabbed Lena’s hand is because she is afraid a bad man will come after them, which Lena did not understand. If she knew her mother’s past she would respect her, but since she has no idea of her mother’s past, “her perspective on her mother is unappreciative” (Shen, par. 20). The photograph of her mother taken after her release from Angel Island Immigration Station shows her scared expression, which is why Lena sees her mother as a “Displaced Person” (Shen, par. 20). These events explain why Lena and Ying-ying cannot communicate because memorable events have torn them apart. Ying-ying has been a big influence concerning her relationship with her daughter. Even though Ying-ying always kept telling her that bad men were constantly harming women, Lena never believed her. The only sense Lena could make of her mother was that she was trying to avoid an upcoming danger. This reason is part of the reason why Lena cannot understand her mother. When Ying-ying lost her baby as Lena was a child, her response to losing the baby was by falling apart each day and feeling incomplete. Lena’s mother played a big role in influencing her because of all the major events she went through in her childhood. All these events of Lena’s childhood have shaped the relationship between Lena and Ying-ying. Once Ying-ying lost her baby she fell apart more each day which had a great effect on Lena. Her response to her mother falling apart was that she could not understand her mother’s feelings because she had never lost a baby. Having a mother that is not fully functional will not help the relationship with your mother. Therefore, from Ying-ying not sharing her feelings of her loss, she lost communication with her daughter. Even before all the hurt feelings after the baby died with Lena’s family, she could not understand why her mother had always talked about bad men hurting women. Lena never believed her mother because her story was so farfetched. Furthermore, Lena could not even begin to understand her mother because her mother never explained why she acted like there was a danger somewhere and that she could not handle a terrible time in her life by simply letting her feelings out. Growing up into adulthood, Lena deals with some bad experiences. Knowing that she is in a marriage where everything is about having things in order and sharing everything equally, Lena discovers that she does not know what she wants out of her marriage anymore. When Lena hears from her mother that she is visiting, she is “fearing that her mother will perceive that her relationship with Harold is flawed” (Shen, par.11). Ying-ying knows when something is wrong because “She sees only bad things that affect our family” (Tan 149) ever since her father died. After remembering back to when her father had died, “[her mother] knew this would happen…because a philodendron plant [her] father had given her had withered and died” (Tan 149). It scares Lena that her mother can see all the bad things in her family since the event, “this convinces [Lena] that she can see what else is going on, between Harold and me” (Tan 151). Now “she is afraid her mother will confront her with a truth she does not want to admit” (Shen, par, 13) because she is ashamed of her marriage with Harold. She never really wanted to marry Harold, she wanted to marry Arnold, but because she chose to hate Arnold and would not eat her rice, she deserved what she got (Tan 155). Even at the midst of all the terrible events in Lena’s life, she still feels that her mother will not understand her marriage to Harold. Ying-ying surprises Lena, when Lena thinks her life is meaningless, her mother comforts her with some knowledge, but Lena perceives it as criticism. When Lena’s mother comes to visit her, she expects her mother to tell her everything wrong with her marriage, except that instead of tearing her down, she tries to help Lena. Although her mother told her of all the things that were wrong with her house and marriage, she was only to help Lena. Since the communication between the two is very bad, Lena does not realize her mother wants to help her and not criticize her. The relationship between Lena and Ying-ying started out bad, but later they began to communicate with each other about Lena’s marriage. Lena and Ying-ying are terrible at communicating with each other. When Ying-ying visits her daughter she expects her to ruin her marriage, but all she was trying to do is point out to Lena that her marriage is not working. The fact that Ying-ying tells Lena all the flaws of her marriage is all out of the love for her daughter. Lena finally begins to realize this as she talks with her mother about leaving her husband because they are not in love.